survival skills essential to the ADHD journey

( this is me offering advice)

                                   

Because I've lived through what I lovingly refer to as the "ADHD Apocalypse" and I've come out on the other side fairly unscathed(ok alive) I thought I would write a post about a few things that I learned were absolutely essential skills for those with ADHD, or those caring for/living with an AHDH'er.
You will find I'm not talking about timers or gadgets or calendars or organizational tools but  I'm talking mostly about communication skills, and mindfulness because these two things are absolutely essential! Not just for those with AHD but everyone really. To me, in the end relationships are the most important thing in this world and if you don't know yourself or how to communicate effectively, relationships suffer.

Because I've walked through house fires(notice this is plural, two within 8 months. total losses), IEP's, parent teacher meetings, principal parent meetings, parent 50 million educators meetings, board of educator meetings, too numerous to count pissed off teacher phone calls, a few cop meetings, sherrif's offices, jail cells, lawyers,court rooms, and labor rooms,(alone) I've learned a few things about what works with people and what doesn't. I've also learned a few things about myself. So I want to share with the confused, the frustrated, the angry, the frightened and the sad who may find themselves embarked upon the ADHD journey.

First and foremost you are the most important thing in your life. If you don't take care of your health and well being you can't do anything to help yourself or anyone else.  Mental health is KEY in this journey, so that means you have to invest time in getting to know yourself, your feelings, your reactions and your thoughts. The most important thing I've ever done is learning how to name/identify what I am feeling, what thoughts go along with that feeling and where exactly they arise in my body, how they feel. This is something believe it or not i learned without a therapist.

The book I read that guided me in this was Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now.  From it I learned that I could observe my thoughts and how they affect my body. In other words I practice stillness or mindfulness. I was doing this waaaaay before therapist were recommending it. I practiced it diligently and I learned how to identify my feelings and how they felt in my body. I got really good, because I was tired of living a painful, frustrating life.

Then along came a book called "The Work" by Byron Katie and from it i learned how to identify and question my stressful thoughts to see if they were really true. And I currently have 3 or 4 notebooks filled with my work on stressful thoughts. This is when my ADHD outbursts REALLY began to calm down. This is when my relationship with my mother began to smooth out, and this is when I began to listen to my children without scaring them with my HUGE reactions to things they told me.

Practicing non-reaction is good for you and everyone. I highly recommend it. The only way to practice non-reaction is to observe your thoughts and how they affect you and challenge the stressful ones. They are never true. Once my chilren realized they could tell me things and I wouldn't explode they pretty much told me any and everything (God help me). I had to explain to them there were some things I didn't need to know. Practicing mindfulness will help you SLOW DOWN. Mindfulness is powerful.

Another essential skill is assertive communication.  Not aggressive communication but assertive. Read everything you can get your hands on about it and watch in amazement how relationships change, with everyone! I can not stress enough. Educate yourself! Assertive communication is a very powerful(and empowering life skill). I've added a link for assertive communication info.  ENJOY.

Im going to end this post here with this final thought/tool--FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT.  Practice these skills and when you feel intimidated fake it. You are not transparent. No one will know.
In my next post we will look further at assertive communication and talk about universal thoughts.